Well For me a big thing that helps me to be a better person and father is to take time outs. Some times it isn't just the kids that need them. It is the adults to.
Tonight my kid was so tired and as a matter of fact quite cranky if he didn't get everything he wants, and precisely how. We made him a snack for before he went to bed and that back fired. He threw it on the floor twice and then basically tried to do it again. I swatted him and realized that I was really tired and exasperated and need to stop the course of this interaction or my actions may get regretful. Having two unreasonable people interacting at once is a not a productive thing. So we took a time out and he was still unreasonable but I was at least in control again and things went passably before we put him to bed. The product of all this was he went to bed tired and a bit sad that he had to go to bed, but didn't go to bed afraid and mad at me or worse both of us parents.
So take a time out so that you can breath...they will not repair quickly and usually will get worse fast as actions aren't positive in their direction.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Extreme Emotion!
It is interesting how kids can go from extreme to extreme in a moment. This I believe is because they can hardly tell the difference from happy and mad. They are not opposite but much closer together.
I can get my kid riled up and giggling at almost anything pretty easy and it is hilarious. Well sometimes he will be happy and then just burst out in anger and madness. When they get pushed to the extreme they basically lose all composure and control. For me this helps me to understand why they can be so shift in moods.
So I think as parents we can realize that this happens and help to control them and their emotions for theirs and our benefit.
I can get my kid riled up and giggling at almost anything pretty easy and it is hilarious. Well sometimes he will be happy and then just burst out in anger and madness. When they get pushed to the extreme they basically lose all composure and control. For me this helps me to understand why they can be so shift in moods.
So I think as parents we can realize that this happens and help to control them and their emotions for theirs and our benefit.
Communication
One evening I was alone with my son and my wife was out with friends at a womens group. My son and I were having a lot of fun and things were going well. At some point he started being quite fussy. I tried what I thought was everything. Foods, toys whatever came to mind.
He was getting worse and worse to the point that nothing was okay. I must interject that at about 1 year we decided discipline would be started, no more fits or things would be tolerated. So after trying for 30 minutes to mollify my child I spanked him and gave him a time out for a few minutes for him to calm down and for me to calm down.
When he got up he was still fussy. To the point that he was hitting me in the face. This has only happened on a few occasions. He just doesn't have that disposition. So I spank him again and more time out. Well when I got him up again I tried to understand what was wrong and went through the regular list; food, water, toys, comfort, diaper...well it turned out that unless you took off his diaper and inspected rather than the peek down the back the issue would not be discovered. He had been sitting in a bit of his own waste for hours and was extremely inflamed/red/rash to the point that touching, holding or anything near caused him extreme agony.
At this point I feel like I have failed in life. I clean him up and put some ointment on it and take care of the issue. I should have realized or learned from that point on that he was trying to tell me he had a problem, not just being fussy. Even though he could only cry at point he had different ones for frustrated, hurting, and angry.
I failed to understand what he was trying to tell me (luckily he still loved me) for over an hour. He both deteriorated to not really being kind and things fell apart on us.
At this point I think that I began to have a desire to really right this book that had come to mind earlier before he was born.
He was getting worse and worse to the point that nothing was okay. I must interject that at about 1 year we decided discipline would be started, no more fits or things would be tolerated. So after trying for 30 minutes to mollify my child I spanked him and gave him a time out for a few minutes for him to calm down and for me to calm down.
When he got up he was still fussy. To the point that he was hitting me in the face. This has only happened on a few occasions. He just doesn't have that disposition. So I spank him again and more time out. Well when I got him up again I tried to understand what was wrong and went through the regular list; food, water, toys, comfort, diaper...well it turned out that unless you took off his diaper and inspected rather than the peek down the back the issue would not be discovered. He had been sitting in a bit of his own waste for hours and was extremely inflamed/red/rash to the point that touching, holding or anything near caused him extreme agony.
At this point I feel like I have failed in life. I clean him up and put some ointment on it and take care of the issue. I should have realized or learned from that point on that he was trying to tell me he had a problem, not just being fussy. Even though he could only cry at point he had different ones for frustrated, hurting, and angry.
I failed to understand what he was trying to tell me (luckily he still loved me) for over an hour. He both deteriorated to not really being kind and things fell apart on us.
At this point I think that I began to have a desire to really right this book that had come to mind earlier before he was born.
In the Beginning...
It is interesting to look back and realize that I have been a father now for almost 2 years. My little offspring has learned and grown quite fast. He know walks and talks. If that wasn't enough he also is mastering emotion. His favorite is ownership and showing us he isn't happy.
The most recent example of his displaying that he isn't happy came when last night he started hitting his mother and pulling her hair. We realized that he was doing this because he wanted her to play with him and not be laying down. He apparently doesn't like her to lay down because he thinks that all energy and effort should be given to him. Never mind that she is going to be having our second child at any moment and is incredibly uncomfortable.
He definetely likes to control us and what we do, he always like to get what he wants and more so to feel like he controls what is going on in his life. I can't blame him I try to do the same thing but in different ways now that I have learned that direct control of people like he tries isn't really something that works well.
The most recent example of his displaying that he isn't happy came when last night he started hitting his mother and pulling her hair. We realized that he was doing this because he wanted her to play with him and not be laying down. He apparently doesn't like her to lay down because he thinks that all energy and effort should be given to him. Never mind that she is going to be having our second child at any moment and is incredibly uncomfortable.
He definetely likes to control us and what we do, he always like to get what he wants and more so to feel like he controls what is going on in his life. I can't blame him I try to do the same thing but in different ways now that I have learned that direct control of people like he tries isn't really something that works well.
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